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Monday, December 28, 2015

Fire Goat Hero in Sweden!

This guy seems like a hero to me. There's 1) fire and 2) goats. C'mon, Sweden! Get with the program!

Screaming Fainting Goat brings the fire

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Sunday, December 27, 2015

Get faced, but stay away from books.

I did this, too.  I mostly did it for all them deals for stuff you can get.  I don't like how Rhoda can see everything I'm doing.  Sometimes you just gotta do stuff, ya know?  Or look at stuff.  Whatever.

Facebook. Yay.

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Wednesday, December 23, 2015

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas Future Philly Style Redux Updating

Santa Claus defeats the Martians
Santa Claus taught nem Martians the what-for in the good old days

As you knows, I am well regarded in the worlds of filmed productions, videoed productions and recorded records productions.  And when I don't have nothing (and I mean nothing) better to do, I call into this great little CB radio show.  It seems like only last year that I was good enough to recount this old Christmas classic.

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

I do think my version is better than anything the president will trick you with this year.  Next thing you know, that guy will be pardoning the goose.

Santa busted
I don't like Texas, but they know how to treat troublemakers down there

NOTE: If you want to sp@m my site, you're going to need to send a can of Spam to my home address. Upon me inspecting your sweet sweet Spam then I will approve any and all commercial messages you'se wants.

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Thursday, December 17, 2015

Happy Booty in Bhutan

Look, it don't take no agrogonomicist to know why these Bootyists are so happy. They named their country after booty! Why wouldn't they be happy? I assume their ladies are well-endowed in their posterior resources. I'm talking about big butts.  Get it?

Of course they're happy! When I name my country (after President Trump gives me that nubbin of Canada he says we got to build a wall against), I'm going to name it Bustychestingtonistan. Or maybe Zieglerland? I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually.  Probably the first one. You know, because I like boobs so much.

But what I can't figure out is why these macroegonomists think happiness is so gross. Seems like they need to take a chill pill. Or a chill toke, whatever.

Newbridge's last remaining caboose and house of ill repute

My personal favorite, Ye Olde Newbridge and Strumpet House Company

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Saturday, December 12, 2015

Central European vacation over

As soon of you know, I was on a comedy junket down the Rhine this week.  The vacation ended somewhat earlier than I had planned.  But don't worry!  I am fine.

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Top 10 Reasons Philadelphia Glows and Your Town Blows: #9 Drinking

I'm gonna be honest with ya.  There's gonna be a lot more drinking on this list.  Whenever I get around to it.  It ain't that drinking is my favorite thing.  All the fine ladies will tell ya that.

But not drinking is so, what's one word that describes not drinking?  Oh yeah, the one word is not cool.  So before ya get all preachy like a preacher, or my wife, or my boss, or my court-ordered police liaison, or my kids' teachers, or my kids, or my barber, or that talking squirrel, or John S. Middleton's lawyer, or the cable guy who's always snooping around my Skinemax-o-Matic transformer box for selling cable to my neighbors, or Mark Duplass's lawyer, or the hobo who saves my spot at the train station, or the register jockeys at my second favorite Wawa, or my accountant, or Shout Networks' legal department, or the hostess at Waffle House who always brings me Pepsi instead of Coke (she has to go down the street to buy a Pepsi every time cause they don't have Pepsi there), or the TSA agents at PHL, or the TSA agents at the 30th Street Station, or my lawyer, or my artisanal pencil sharpener, or Officer Harrups, or my go-to ring bologna abattoir manager, or Judith Martin, or the Parents Music Resource Center, or the city engineer who fixes my favorite stoplight, or Dennis DeYoung's legal team, or strangers on the street, you should know that I don't drink that much.

But when I do, here are the drinks that I like to start off with on Wednesdays.  You know, when everybody starts drinking for the weekend.

Long Island Iced Tea at Bourbon & Branch
I know, I know, nothing good comes from New York.  But I'll slip myself one of these on occasion.  B&B is nice.  I can often pick pockets there although the hipsters wearing their little sisters' jeans make it a bit more challenging, which I like.

Clamato Bloody Mary at Oyster House
Gotta keep it authentic, ya know?  Also, it's easy to sneak out the back.

Vodka Red Bull at da Library Bar
Trust me, I get it.  Nobody likes libraries or wants to go anywhere near one.  Everybody knows that.  But this place don't even make ya read or nothing.  It's pretty snooty, but the escorts who work upstairs are quite classy and will sometimes throw me a pity drink.  The pickpocketing here is phenomenal.  I can fund Rhoda's crazy money jar quite nicely on a good night.

La Vieille Ferme Côtes du Ventoux Rogue 2014 at The Good King Tavern
Culture oozes out of me like something that oozes out of really cool stuff.  I like this red because it's super cheap and classy.  We went to The Good King Tavern because Rhoda and I was hungry for fries and I heard they got good French food.  We weren't disappointed.  When it was time to order food, the waiter was talking about a bunch of other crazy stuff, but I said, "Blah, blah, blah, bring me my fries and burger!  If I wanted something all fancy-schmancy I would have ordered a hoagie!"  It was a very good value.  Especially after I told Rhoda to go get the car because I wanted to thank the chef personally and then I skipped out without paying.

Bacon martini at Charlie Was a Sinner
I go here just to mess with vegetarians.

PBR at Casa de Ziegler
What are you, some kind of stupid?  This is #1 of course.

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Thursday, December 10, 2015

I always liked Dr. Spook better

Eh, heeheeheehee! I heard CBS was coming out with a new Space Trek show. I guess this is the pilot episode?
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Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Bat Boy for Christmas

Can somebody pick up Bat Boy for me.  I'm giving it to Roy Jr. as an investment for his college fund.  Just kiddin' - it's for me.  Screw college.
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Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Tuesday night

Host is doing a job tonight on his CB radio show. It's really great. For falling asleep.
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Top 10 Reasons Philadelphia Is the Best Town and Your Town Sucks: #10 Because I Say So

#10 Hoagies. Nem Eagles. Flyers.  Phillies.  76ers.  Artsy college coeds.  No squirrels stealing my hoagies.  I keep my horse right out on the street.  We invented America.  We invented hoagies.  Still get together with the Firebirds and whack stick.  Oh, and Wawa is the greatest thing that has ever existed in history.
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Monday, December 7, 2015

Nem Eagles

Oh, by the way. Eagles RULE!

Never mind that Dallas-Washington mumbo jumbo.  They'll probably both lose.
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I'n not sure I appreciates these weirdo politicians throwing marital aids around this way. No sirree. Seems like some of them are having too good of a time. But nem Republicans are always partying up it like that I guess. I like those guys.

Obviously NSFW, ya politidummy.

I ain't complaining or nothing -  Amazon got marital aids too.

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Hoagie Time, munches

Have to get out of bed soon.  Thinking about that sweet sweet sweet hoagie action.

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Listen up! Philly Boy Roy is speaking.

Listen up, Philadummies!  I ain't got time for Internetting, but I might let you peek in occasionally, if I feel like it.  Now scram!  I'm hoping Sheila will be over soon and youse guys ain't helping nothing.

By the way, if you're looking for Roy Ziegler and you got a beef, that ain't me.
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