Top 10 Reasons Philadelphia Glows and Your Town Blows: #9 Drinking

I'm gonna be honest with ya.  There's gonna be a lot more drinking on this list.  Whenever I get around to it.  It ain't that drinking is my favorite thing.  All the fine ladies will tell ya that.

But not drinking is so, what's one word that describes not drinking?  Oh yeah, the one word is not cool.  So before ya get all preachy like a preacher, or my wife, or my boss, or my court-ordered police liaison, or my kids' teachers, or my kids, or my barber, or that talking squirrel, or John S. Middleton's lawyer, or the cable guy who's always snooping around my Skinemax-o-Matic transformer box for selling cable to my neighbors, or Mark Duplass's lawyer, or the hobo who saves my spot at the train station, or the register jockeys at my second favorite Wawa, or my accountant, or Shout Networks' legal department, or the hostess at Waffle House who always brings me Pepsi instead of Coke (she has to go down the street to buy a Pepsi every time cause they don't have Pepsi there), or the TSA agents at PHL, or the TSA agents at the 30th Street Station, or my lawyer, or my artisanal pencil sharpener, or Officer Harrups, or my go-to ring bologna abattoir manager, or Judith Martin, or the Parents Music Resource Center, or the city engineer who fixes my favorite stoplight, or Dennis DeYoung's legal team, or strangers on the street, you should know that I don't drink that much.

But when I do, here are the drinks that I like to start off with on Wednesdays.  You know, when everybody starts drinking for the weekend.

Long Island Iced Tea at Bourbon & Branch
I know, I know, nothing good comes from New York.  But I'll slip myself one of these on occasion.  B&B is nice.  I can often pick pockets there although the hipsters wearing their little sisters' jeans make it a bit more challenging, which I like.


Clamato Bloody Mary at Oyster House
Gotta keep it authentic, ya know?  Also, it's easy to sneak out the back.

Vodka Red Bull at da Library Bar
Trust me, I get it.  Nobody likes libraries or wants to go anywhere near one.  Everybody knows that.  But this place don't even make ya read or nothing.  It's pretty snooty, but the escorts who work upstairs are quite classy and will sometimes throw me a pity drink.  The pickpocketing here is phenomenal.  I can fund Rhoda's crazy money jar quite nicely on a good night.

La Vieille Ferme Côtes du Ventoux Rogue 2014 at The Good King Tavern
Culture oozes out of me like something that oozes out of really cool stuff.  I like this red because it's super cheap and classy.  We went to The Good King Tavern because Rhoda and I was hungry for fries and I heard they got good French food.  We weren't disappointed.  When it was time to order food, the waiter was talking about a bunch of other crazy stuff, but I said, "Blah, blah, blah, bring me my fries and burger!  If I wanted something all fancy-schmancy I would have ordered a hoagie!"  It was a very good value.  Especially after I told Rhoda to go get the car because I wanted to thank the chef personally and then I skipped out without paying.

Bacon martini at Charlie Was a Sinner
I go here just to mess with vegetarians.

PBR at Casa de Ziegler
What are you, some kind of stupid?  This is #1 of course.